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What Sam didn’t expect, he says, is how much the virtual breakup would affect him.“My feelings for Kat were no different in many ways than what happens in a real-life relationship,” he says.The majority of people who responded to the MSNBC.com/i Village Lust, Love and Loyalty survey think it can — although that characterization tends to skew along gender lines.Sending a sexually flirtatious e-mail to a co-worker? They bonded intellectually, emotionally, and yes, thanks to Second Life animations, even physically. Unlike his avatar, which is female, in real life, Sam is a man. “With Second Life, there wasn't the fear of a real-life physical attachment,” he says. So although he acknowledges feeing some guilt, he didn’t see the online affair as being as damaging as a real one. It started out as a friendship, as many relationships do. And although they shared all kinds of intimacies in Second Life, the real people have never laid eyes on each other. “The fear of someone calling me up at home.” For many folks, the arms-length quality of in-game romance is what separates a (fairly) harmless experiment from actual infidelity.But gradually Sam's feelings for Kat, a beautiful, smart and confident woman, had turned romantic. If these intimacies, no matter how personal, never translate into a real-world meeting or real-life sex, can it be considered cheating?
And plenty of people are interested in the sex aspect of the hookups. “You talk about your day, your dreams, that kind of thing.” she says.She gets all that from her current real-life boyfriend — a guy Sarah says she’ll probably marry.And even though Sarah’s boyfriend didn’t ask her to, she ended her Second Life relationship last year.“If people are getting their needs for love, attention, intimacy, companionship and sex from somewhere else, I think it’s cheating,” she says. “She no longer became the funny, excited and refreshing girl I had fallen for,” he says.“And, if they’re keeping their relationship a secret from their real-life partner.” When Kat’s real-life spouse began getting suspicious, things between the Second Life couple began to deteriorate. There was a breakup, a half-hearted reconciliation and a final breakup.
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Some gave us their avatar names, while others went with pseudonyms.) Sam knew from the outset that he had no intention of ever meeting Kat in real life.